relationshiptruths

I thought it appropriate that we begin our discussions about relationships with a few fundamental aspects of a relationship.

Love and lying.

There will be many people that will tell you that there is no room in love for lying. I am here to tell you that often they go hand in hand… and you may not even realize it. The hope is that the lie is never anything that could end a relationship or drastically change the relationship and it should be one the it meant to not harm the one you love. An example, if the one you love says, “Have I put on weight?” And you know they are feeling particularly vulnerable right now your answer should be, “You look wonderful.”

A lie that is kept because you are doing something that you shouldn’t be doing when you are in a committed relationship is inexcusable and there is no room for a lie like that in any relationship. The truth here is that you can not truly love someone and then intentionally lie to them because you want to have the best of both worlds.

Don’t get me wrong, I think many people mistakenly say they love someone and have no idea of what love really is. Many times, intense like or lust in confused with love. Love is a feeling that you have forever. When you love someone, you are not whole when they are not around. You can feel your entire body light on fire when they come close to you or just look at you from across the room. When you love someone, there is no other person in the world that you want to be with to celebrate good news or be there to share when things are rough.

Love is unconditional and never ending. It is honest and welcoming and warm. I am not telling you that it is easy. Love takes work. There needs to be nurturing, from both people involved. One person can not make a relationship work… and believe it or not, in most cases one person does not ruin a relationship either. There are different degrees of guilt, but usually when people are honest, you will find that they both had some part in the end of that relationship.

That does not give reason to lie though. It is possible for you to love someone enough to forgive a lie, no matter how devastating the lie is. To do that though… you have to try to trust that person… you have to believe them when they tell you they were wrong, or they were sorry and that they won’t do it again. You, the person that was lied to and betrayed must put your heart on the line. It is possible for you to give them another chance.

If the person that lied to you and betrayed you really does love you, they will do all they can to make amends for that lie. They will stop lying to you. They will do whatever it takes to regain your trust, and understand your insecurities. It is not an easy road to come back from, and it does not happen over night. Actually, it shouldn’t happen overnight.

If you are in a relationship, and you have been lied to and betrayed, be skeptical, take your time, if need be check up on the person that lied to you. If your significant other has nothing to hide anymore then they will have no problem with an occasional double check.

If they complain about your insecurities, even after the time since you found out about the lie is short like a few days or a few weeks maybe you need to stop and question if they do really love you. Why are they so impatient about regaining your trust… perhaps it is because they never really stopped lying to you and they do not think you are smart enough to ever know.

To that I say this, you found out about the lie the first time… why wouldn’t you find it again? And if you do…. Can you live with what you have found out?

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